First up this month, the 21 Jump Street (March 16) reboot. Too young to remember the original TV show? Don’t worry – it was rubbish.
The new story is thus: newbie cops Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Jenko (massively muscled Channing Tatum) are sent undercover at a local high school to bust a gang of (presumably) Bieber-loving dope-peddlers.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: how can two, ehem, well-seasoned gentlemen such as these pass as teenagers? Well, as anyone who’s ever seen the original 90210 will know, the stresses of American teen life age a body terribly, making liver spots and zimmer-frames a common sight along the corridors of your average US school. One for Tatum lovers or fans of unneccessary remakes.
Next up, one for the whole family: We Bought a Zoo (March 16), starring Matt Damon and a dressed-down Scarlett Johansson.
Lonely widower Ben (Damon) spontaneously buys a run-down zoo (complete with lions and tigers and bears – oh my!) in an attempt to make a fresh start for his family. Nothing says “fresh start” like the constant threat of having ones genitals ripped off by a rabid monkey. Ben and his loyal, but overworked, zoo-keepers soon realise, that animal husbandry is no chimpanzee’s tea-party.
Can Ben, ScarJo and the cuddly creatures pull it together and make the zoo a success, or will the glue factory be getting some new arrivals? There’s only one way to find out!
Out the same day is The Devil Inside (March 16) the latest in a seemingly unending series of shaky-camera, “found-footage” type exorcism movies.
Documentary maker Isabella (Fernanda Andrade) becomes involved in a series of unauthorised exorcisms in an effort to discover what happened to her mother, who brutally murdered three people during her own exorcism. The more Isabella investigates, the more gruesome her discoveries become.
Ultimately, The Devil Inside squanders an interesting set-up and comes off more as Grotbags than Blair Witch. Fans of exorcism flicks would be better off watching the far superior 2010 flick, The Last Exorcism.