Water for Elephants/ The Hangover 2/ X Men: First Class

Do you like circus-centric, romance movies full of poorly pachyderms? If so, you’re in luck because first up this month is stylish rom-com Water For Elephants (May 4).

Water for Elephants is the story of trainee vet Jacob (played Robert “Yes I’m in other films apart from Twilight” Pattinson) who meets and falls in love with Marlena (Reece “I’m surprisingly diverse” Witherspoon), star performer in the circus where he works.

Everything is all hearts and flowers and horse tranquilizers until Jacob realises that Marlene is his evil boss’ wife. Will love triumph? Or will R Patz’s expressionless face drive the audience out of the cinema before the movie reaches it’s climax? There’s only one way to find out!

Next up is The Hangover 2 (May 27). Was there really any need to make a sequel to The Hangover?

I mean, did the first film posit so many intriguing questions that it demanded exposition in the form of another movie?

Anyway, cinema-goers hoping to get their fix of the nerd, the ‘cool’ guy and the creepy sex-attacker-ish fat guy will be well satisfied as the gang once again embark on a night of drinking with hilarious consequences. Well, not hilarious exactly, more extremely repetitive as this film is basically the first one only set in Bangkok. Oh, and there’s a monkey instead of a tiger. And this time the nerd gets a facial tattoo instead of a cracked front tooth. Ingenious!

At least The Hangover 2 effectively replicates the experience of a real hang-over: it’s nauseating, faintly depressing and makes you question the elemental nature of human existence.

Finally this month is the cripplingly disappointing X Men: First Class (May 30), a prequel to the first three movies.

Set during the 1960s against the backdrop of the Cuban missile crisis and the civil rights movement, this is much of the same as before: mutants are persecuted and disdained but a small group nobly band together to save a world that utterly despises them.

Alas, First Class is no X1, X2 or even X3 (which I seem to be alone in considering the greatest of the three). Although the pedigree of the cast is excellent (Jennifer Lawrence, Calab Landry Jones, James McEvoy etc.,) they never seem to come together as a cohesive unit. And despite his acting skill, Michael Fassbender is no Ian McKellan – he conveys the anger of Magneto, but none of the nuance. As a result the film comes out totally…meh.

This is one of those movies that was so sagely-awaited and over-hyped before its release

Disappointment, thy name is X Men: First Class!