Hello viewerfriends and welcome to this, the final #MAFSUK recap of Season 6. *Sniff* I’m not crying, you’re crying.
C’mere, do you think that the supposed technical difficulties of Thursday night were actually a deliberate ploy by E4 to increase their viewing figures? Everyone tuned in for the finale only to be shown 20 minutes of the previous episode and a picture of Josh tauntingly wagging his finger.
How do I know this? Well, because, I like everyone else was so eager to find out how many insults Morag snuck into her vows that I was afraid to switch off in case I missed something. And I stayed that way for the whole hour, because I have invested too much time in this show at this point NOT to see the last episode. I know many of you did too, viewerfriends because Twitter told me so.
So, E4 got the ‘finale’ level viewing figures on Thursday (even though there was no new episode) and got them presumably for Friday too. If it was deliberate (which seems even more plausible when you consider that the episode didn’t air, but some of the sponsor ads still played) then it was a cynical move.
If not, then it was the third serious technical fault they’ve had in the past fortnight. Either way, someone needs to take E4 somewhere quiet and ask if everything is okay at home.
On to the action proper. We pick up right where we left off, with Amy reading aloud vows which make it sound like she’s going to say leave, when we all know she bloody loves Josh. She finishes off by telling Josh that, just when she was ready to use a bundle of sage to burn this whole relationship down, he stepped up and started reciprocating her effort.
“We’ve had our ups and downs, but like a heart monitor if you don’t have any of those ups and downs, you’re not living,” she says. She says the their real journey is just beginning but “let’s not cut any corners: ‘cause love’s just around one of them.” Josh likes this last part and laughs.
Now it’s time for his vows. Will Amy be laughing at the end of his? There are points during the speech when Amy’s face creases in anger, and during a particularly long section where Josh basically recounts her many failings: her “unexpected outbursts” and selfish moments, she looks like she’s trying to take off her ring.
“I think there’s a potential roadblock in front of us,” he says as the background music reaches a dramatic crescendo. Of course, there’s a ‘but’. “But, despite the difficulties we’ve faced, I can truly see why we are matched. You’re an incredible woman and you’ve brought positive things out in me that I never knew existed.”
“So Amy, thank you for teaching me how long a piece of string is,” he says reaching into his pocket and pulling out a piece of string, which he delicately ties around her wrist. “We’d be crazy not to continue on the outside,” he says. Amy agrees and the pair kiss and leave the garden, hand in hand. This is the couple I was certain would be gone after a week! Shows what I know.
Back the MAFS apartment block we see Luke and Tayah packing in their respective apartments and we hear that they’ll be heading home for a week of introspection and familial advice ahead of the final vows.
Luke and Morag hug and kiss goodbye in a way that makes it clear what their answers are gonna be later on. So do Tayah and Adam.
There’s really zero dramatic tension left in either of these relationships. It’s clear that we’re supposed to be concerned that either couple might change their minds after spending some time apart but come on!
If Luke is still interested is Morag after her telling him he’s not a man, or that she needs a skinful of Chardonnay before she gets busy with him, or after getting mauled by her mates, then a week back in Ponty Clun won’t make a difference.
While he’s in Ponty, his mother tells him that she’s not convinced that Morag is the one for him and she’s worried that Morag won’t be arsed to handle a long distance thing.
Isn’t it funny that no one has mentioned the distance between Wales and Romford – which is about a 4 hour drive – as being a potential stumbling block for the couple, even though it’s obviously going to be a big one.
During Dan and Matt’s time in the experiment the long distance between their homes was mentioned constantly because it was literally the only problem they had in their relationship (for reference: it’s a 7 hour drive (plus ferry) from Leeds to Antrim).
Morag and Luke’s relationship is so beset with issues they didn’t even have time to mention this long distance aspect which doesn’t exactly bode well for them long term.
There’s an ad break and when we come back we learn that the episode contains product placement. When you watch on the All4 player, every episode displays this message. The first time product placement was mentioned on the live show was on the Thursday (when we didn’t even get a show) and now on this episode.
How did E4 get away with not putting the product placement ad before every show? I remember the episode where Luke did the strip tease for Morag and she told Alexa to play ‘Freak Me Baby’ by Another Level. That was blatant Amazon advertising (and Another Level advertising) but there was no mention of it being product placement. E4 are really all over the place lately.
Anyway, the product placement is Morag once again being the Meryl Streep to Alexa’s Anne Hathaway, ordering her digital assistant to show her pictures of her wedding day. She tells the camera that she hopes the week away from Luke will make her appreciate him more.
She meets her mother and immediately embraces the mother’s tiny, sleepy dog. It’s funny: during Luke’s chat with his mother he cradles her little dog like a baby for the whole time. Morag’s no-nonsense mother tells Morag that Luke needs to tell her off now and then and Morag agrees.
She tells her mother she scared to break Luke’s heart. “You must love him in your own way?” offers Ma Cheryl. “I don’t know,” says Morag. “I can really see you with him,” Ma says, “but I don’t think you can see it yourself.” Morag agrees. “Mum, what am I gonna do!” she exclaims.
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Elsewhere we see Adam enjoying the bachelor life again: working out topless, being on the balcony topless, ironing topless etc. We see him writing his final vows and see that his handwriting is very cute.
Meanwhile, Tayah is back in Hertfordshire, having a cuppa in the garden with her mother. Her mother cautions her against impulsiveness, hinting that in the past this hasn’t worked out too well for her. She tells her mother that she has no doubt that Adam is the person she’ll spend the rest of her life with.
“He’s just the best person ever,” she says. Her mother smiles warmly at this. Talk about transformations: Tayah’s mother now is totally Team Adam.
I don’t know what kind of questions the camera crew ask Tayah later on, but she tells them that she’s “actually a bit worried” about what Adam will say and starts tearing up. “Imagine if he is like ‘you’re not for me’?”
Oh, Tayah. You know what Adam’s going to say-ah. She’s also worried that he might want to play the field, but on this point I think she’s safe: if he really slept with the 700+ women he claimed to at the Boy-b-cue then he already done completed single life, if you know what I’m saying.
—- — —
There’s another ad (the nerve of E4 showing so many blasted ads after last night’s debacle) and when we return, it’s time for the final vow down. We see Morag and Luke separately heading to the designated renewal spot.
The couple’s voiceovers repeat the same sentiments that have been expressed so many times at this point, I won’t waste time summarising them.
Luke goes first. It’s the usual stuff – we’ve had ups and downs etc – and it ends with him telling her that the decision has been one of the hardest he’s ever had to make. “So often I felt like I was putting your happiness before my own, but the fact is, Morag, I realise that’s what love is.” Aww
“I may not be the man you wanted when we met on the wedding day, but you need to know that I am the man you deserve.” Morag beams during this part of the speech. “That was really lovely – and very gentle,” she says.
Now it’s her turn. She goes through the vagaries of their courtship and their differences – “I’m loud you’re quiet, I’m bold, you’re timid” (I think she’s confusing ‘quiet’ with ‘timid’ there.) “I didn’t think you were the man for me. I signed up for a ready-made man not a project,” she says.
She apologises to Luke for her inability to “let him in” earlier and she once again voices her concerns that if she commits to him now, they might just be postponing the heartbreak until a later stage. “Luke,” she says taking a deep breath: “Palmers.”
No, she doesn’t say “Palmers” but another flipping ad comes on of the Palmer’s lotion clip with a woman moisturising her legs. The bloody gumption of E4 throwing an ad in mid-sentence. “Luke, *sigh* that’s not what I want. I want you in my life – in my past, present and future. If we can survive this, we can survive anything.”
“I want to give this my all, and if you do too, then let’s start by celebrating with a glass of wine – not that I need one anymore!” she laughs, giving Luke a saucy glance. Nicely done. “You had me going there,” says Luke as the couple embrace.
Sipping wine in front of the camera, Morag tells the camera that she is so grateful to have gotten Luke as a husband. “Me and Morag are absolute proof that this experiment can work,” says Luke.
And with that, we are on to the final couple. We see footage of Adam ironing topless (lol – someone please make a sexy mafsuk calendar made entirely of images of Adam ironing topless) as Tayah’s VoiceOver once more expresses her worries that the time apart. His suit is a Conor McGregor looking number, while Tayah’s outfit looks to be a crocheted body suit with detachable sleeves.
They recite their vows in a beautiful garden as a nearby fountain tinkles gently. Tayah starts and there’s no recitation of all of the ups and downs they’ve suffered, because their time in the experiment has been a non-stop high, like a 6 week drug binge.
As such, it’s just endless compliments. “You are the kindest, most caring person I’ve ever met. You help me be the best version of myself and you help me feel at peace,” she says.
“Adam, I love you and I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives together,” she finishes.
Now it’s time for Adam’s vows. “Antigua will hold a special place in my heart. It is the place where I fell in love for the first – and last – time,” he says. Suddenly, the tense background music starts and Adam says: “Recently, I started to feel that something was missing. It’s been eating away at me and I didn’t know the right time to bring it up. That time is today.”
“I want to give you,” he pauses to clear his throat as he starts to get a bit choked up. “I want to give you that one thing that has been missing,” he says smiling and sort of swaying side to side nervously.
“Tayah, I’ve truly fallen madly in love with you. I can’t imagine my life without you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you building a family and a future.” With that, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out a ring box and gets down on one knee.
Tayah, and probably a few audience members too, starts sobbing. “Tayah, will you marry me?” Asks Adam, with tears in his eyes and a big smile on his face.
“You being serious?” She asks. He nods and she grabs him and says “OF COURSE I WILL!” They kiss and cry and warm the hearts of the viewing public. “It’s been the perfect end to the perfect fairytale,” Tayah tells the camera.
And that, viewerfriends is that for Mafsuk season 6. Well, almost. We see a clip for the reunion show with all the old faces – like Jordon and Nikita – and we see that at least two of our couples Amy and Josh and Morag and Luke, are sitting very far apart on the reunion postmortem couch. Uh-oh. See you then!
Be Unkind, Rewind 